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How to avoid rejection and get connection: Marisa Peer at TEDxGoodenoughCollege

Оценок: 7292 | Просмотров: 540123
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Текстовые комментарии (261)
Aretha Brown (3 дня назад)
This just confirms and reaffirms that I'm moving in the right direction with my mindset and life, The way she puts it is much nicer than the way I would so I'm going to try it her way.😊😊😊
Saurabh Shrivastava (4 дня назад)
And the holy man was Buddha.
MrTheomighty1 (5 дней назад)
I have thought about learning how to train my mind just like navy seals do, as they learn how to suppress their feelings and emotions, I feel numb from my break up and I don’t know how to deal with my feelings and emotions, usually my other break ups I’ve cried and feel loss , yes men do cry !!, but this break up is out of my hands due to my ex’s mum is the reason we’re not together, I can’t even look at any other woman and think yes she’s suitable for me.... I once heard a saying when people try to hurt you and it goes like this, I’m sorry your having a bad day, I hope you have a better day tomorrow ....
FaulknerLeanne (6 дней назад)
You're a legend xx
Alice Reynolds (17 дней назад)
Wow, I think when your mother tells you she isn't going to read an article about your work in Cosmo because she thinks you could do better, her intention is negative. That's very very weird behaviour.
Student Doctor Sara (22 дня назад)
This was my one of the best 18.33 minutes spent on youtube.
Alen Jangozin (24 дня назад)
Thank you Marisa!
Edyta Grace (1 месяц назад)
I love this lady
Brutal Honesty (1 месяц назад)
This is nonsense.
Adam Thomson (1 месяц назад)
But if you are an extremely strong person being disconnected is not big deal
Maria Luisa Villarreal Sonora (1 месяц назад)
La traducción está mal, la palabra Conexión (Connection) no se traduce como (estar) conectado (To Connect). La conexión no se refiere al contacto -en español - el contacto está definido como tocarse, como algo físico (conectado). Pero connection se refiere a la relación (conexión) en la cual nos sentimos aceptados y protegidos como parte de algo, de un grupo. Podemos estar conectados sin tener conexión, estar en un grupo sin sentirnos parte de él, podemos tener conexión sin estar conectado, estar lejos de los que nos aman y se identifican con nosotros, sin tener contacto físico con ellos. Es uno de los conceptos claves, por eso es importante una adecuada traducción.
Sonia Munoz (1 месяц назад)
I’m the opposite. Unless I really have to go, I never ever go to bathroom with group of women. Is something wrong with me? I LOVE the “thank you for sharing that” “could you repeat that.” Nice. Very, very nice. No fear of public speaking but l’ll use it with nastiness around the office. Here’s hoping I don’t have to endure up to the 5th step. Thank you Ms. Peer you are a treasure
Neo Bucket (1 месяц назад)
She's A-mazing.
Camelia Caravas (16 дней назад)
Neo Bucket sHE’s a-MAN-zing.
Elizabeth Knappert (1 месяц назад)
thank you , specially the story of the holy man, just what i needed
LaurasBeehive (1 месяц назад)
I don't understand why she would say that "tribe"/"group"/"community"/ "belonging" isn't important anymore... I think it is a core human need...
Elton Mascarenhas (1 месяц назад)
How about being ignored /mistreated by someone you admire /look up to? Isn't that a form of rejection too?
creolefemme1 (1 месяц назад)
Brilliant. I'm going to try this on my mother.
S W (1 месяц назад)
I like her approach
Ms.FitVegan (2 месяца назад)
Amazing 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆✔️
P. Bjork (2 месяца назад)
Lovely lady I enjoyed this very much!
scott sanger (2 месяца назад)
Grow up............introduce yourself to a new person every day.............ask 1 woman a day for her phone number.
Margaret Skewes (3 месяца назад)
Great talk. What happens when the person that rejects you the most is your own self. I am always running myself down and rejecting myself. Maybe I could try thanking myself for the negative self talk. Love Maris's work and one day when I have enough money would love to study her method.
GLR 42 (3 месяца назад)
This is so helpful. But I've got a question...how can I not let in rejection when this comes from TOTAL SILENCE from the other part or worst from LACK OF LISTENING from the other person? In these cases there is no engagement in dialogue, no confrontation, for harsh that it might be, so....WHAT TO DO? Because this is the kind of rejection it hurts me most...I feel almost invisible! Thanks.
Julia Walker (4 месяца назад)
Would you really trust a guy who pretends to be a woman?
Marcia (4 месяца назад)
Amazing paradigm!
Mark White (5 месяцев назад)
Thank you!! Very Helpful!!
Rehan Anwar (6 месяцев назад)
thx for sharing ... this is great
The Van (7 месяцев назад)
Pretty good info, thanks a million Marisa. And May I add, one of the most important things to remember about 'not letting it in' is always remember to not let it in.
Rebecca (8 месяцев назад)
Mo Mo (8 месяцев назад)
I can not say how grateful I am for this video. I am exactly going through this right now. And my reaction without knowing is that of not leting it in. All my life I have missed out on blessings due to taking peoples opinions in. But no more! Ever since I have decided that I am number one in my life I feel fantastic. Right now I might end up homeless with my tow kids. But I can not and will not let it in. Time is of the esence. I am growing and I am succeeding. Thank you so much Marisa
LadyJuly65 (8 месяцев назад)
Marisa, you are one of my new favorite people to listen to.  I'm glad that I stubbled on your talks.  I need this advice several years ago.  You are right on point!
Sharon McLaughlin (8 месяцев назад)
I just wanted to let you know that I showed this video to my 15 year old son with Aspergers that has suffered from bullying since elementary school.  What prompted me to seek for practical help (outside of the paltry assistance offered by counselors and schools) was right after the Parkland, Florida school shooting tragedy when my son asked me in a very concerned voice "how long, mom, before I become a shooter?".  That was it for me and I knew I couldn't leave my son's mental health up to "professionals".  The very next day he called me as he was getting on the bus to come home..."Mom!! It worked!".  Now, my son could only remember the 1st three statements you put out but he used them calmly and with composure, repeated them as the bullying continued and found that eventually they gave up.  What a huge, huge relief that was for him!  Thank you , Marisa.  Your work matters.  You know that, of course, but I wanted you to know that it mattered to my son, to our family.  Thank-you a million times!
Eula barredo (8 дней назад)
Sharon McLaughlin you are a good mother.. im sure your son will grow up a loving individual..
Sharon McLaughlin (8 месяцев назад)
Marisa Peer that would be terrific! Let me know when is a good time to connect with you from Bel Air, Maryland. 💕
Marisa Peer (8 месяцев назад)
I am so thrilled to read this maybe I could facebook live your son just to say hi and offer him some support I always love to help children especially those who are being bullied. much love Marisa xxx
Khor Hook (9 месяцев назад)
Cheryl Ashton (9 месяцев назад)
Sally Bowles (9 месяцев назад)
this talk is really brilliant!
Stephen Jackson (9 месяцев назад)
This is excellent advice, practical and shrewd. A characteristic of depressive people, above all, is that if they're alone they not only cease to have value: they cease to exist. In their own eyes, they might as well be dead. Instead they have to seek out company, even if it means endless abuse: "But once a month, he says he loves me!" "Once a year she says we'll stay together, and she stops kicking me out of her flat at 3 am or throwing my stuff out of the upstairs window... She even says she'll stop drinking!" (As you might surmise, Dear Gentle Readers, that bonne bouche is from my own experience). There is only so much, despite your every effort, that you can do to protect yourself or purge the wreckage. So avoidance becomes survival. Creatives in any field tend to be Outsiders, and outsiders more often than not have nervous systems geared to suffering pain more than, evidence indicates, is the norm. Assuming, that is to say, that one even wants to be "normal". As for me? I'll opt for authenticity, truth to oneself. All I ask is freedom from noise, this tinnitus of squeaking voices. But here is the issue that I now face, the issue that means a book I have been working on for ten years is likely never to be finished. It isn’t just that an eternity of selfish people clogs your mind like a drain; this foreseeable future of having to deal with toxic people, as some describe them. Every time you negate another person's hostility to you, real or imagined, you bolster yourself by engendering indifference towards the human race, even if only one member of it. This is not only self-protection, but sanity. We cannot afford to dote on the human race, or to take its every whim seriously. People talk of wisdom as if it were a vacuous smile, a sense of impunity that falls like a cloak over everybody else and everything. To me, and to every other older person whom I know, wisdom is a form of benevolent yet resigned stoicism towards what cannot be changed, what cannot be made good, cannot be made better. And in the end, one's indifference becomes pervasive, ubiquitous. I worked for many years in the field of creativity and communication. I know my strengths and my weaknesses. I know, too, as one who was lucky enough to find success, how fickle and fortuitous the whole business is. There are people with five times the talent of your favourite artist or celebrity or television name, whose work you will never hear of. As Marisa reminds us, human beings are part of the natural world; and our affairs are as chaotic as Brownian motion. What justice? What scheme of things? What over-arching natural purpose or order? I believe in two things: universal gravitation and entropy, the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Yet I have a hope as well. I like to think that each of us should try our best to leave the world a quarter of one-percent a better place than it was when we entered. My problem used to be fear. Now, it is apathy. So here's my question to Marisa: and it a serious question, without hidden agenda. Please: what can you do, what can you say, to help me regain my faith in the human race?
The Campaign Of Peerless Kent (10 месяцев назад)
Thank You
Charles Davis (10 месяцев назад)
Bravely boldly building bright brilliant brains: Left and right sides and hemispheres. Two halves making one whole. I'm referring to generating grand Genesis great genius. Genetic grace and being grateful for my gifts and truest talents. All of "the brain-fog" is lifted up and way.
Mahrukh D (10 месяцев назад)
Thank you ever so much, i will let this talk in!
johnny chavez (10 месяцев назад)
Thank you Marisa.
A New Love Official (10 месяцев назад)
I've been through a lot of emotional pain and thought that I couln't recover myself from being intimidated for getting rejected. But rejection taught me some lesson, I couldn't achiecve what I am today if nobody told me that I wasn't good enough. It's only a matter of choice on how we view rejection because only two things will happen, it would probably make us or destroy us.
albastraluna (10 месяцев назад)
Beautifully spoken but not exactly helpful. In childhood rejection is verbal and similar to the examples she gave but in adulthood it is usually either inferred but subtle cues in facial expression and body language, or by acts such as exclusion from social events or refusing invitations. In that case, a verbal response such as “are you trying to hurt my feelings” is not only overtly inappropriate, but will make the person sound like a paranoid lunatic and will lead to even more rejection and even ostracism.
Christian Andersson (1 год назад)
Well, that sure helped me! One of the best Ted´s ive seen!
vsleboss cacakaka (1 год назад)
Before buying on gearbest, know that it's thieves. They do not repay, on google search for "Thieves Gearbest".
ThE BeSt ! (1 год назад)
Allegra C (1 год назад)
Fantastic speech and delivery. I love the focus on "emotional intention" versus nit-picking a person's words.
fmbmrtjdpcmrtb (1 год назад)
But gow do you communicate with people who reject you in their behaviour, rather than their words? There are plenty of people who say one thing but do another, actions often speak louder than words. Will these techniques be as effective when dealing with people like that?
Elie Elis (1 год назад)
Good talk! Rejection happens
ll llah (1 год назад)
This lady is amazing!!!! I like how she breaks down the components of rejection and how to effectively respond!!!!!
anupam singh (1 год назад)
U r awesome.. I am from India, living in UAE.. n i can feel everyone faces more or less similar challenges in life. These techniques are well framed n will certainly assist every individual. Thanks a lot, Anupam
Get Crypto (1 год назад)
Thank you for sharing this!
Jade Hunter (1 год назад)
I love all you say,, You are so Fantastic. Some day I will personally meet you. Looking so Forward to that day. Be Safe. Continue to give speech Please. Thankyou so much.
Captain Heinie (1 год назад)
You are so likeable. BRILLIANT. I will now look for your books. Thank you for being you.
Anna Pol (1 год назад)
Anna Pol (1 год назад)
Noura Al-Hazzani (1 год назад)
You're exceptional. I hope your wise words spread to all those in need for it.
Light Of the world (1 год назад)
smart beautiful enlightened woman, badass!
Marilia Lins (1 год назад)
You are one of the most charming, wise and powerful Shakti that I've ever met. Thank you for your geneoursosity in sharing this... the world will be a better place for sure after that. I love your work. kisses from Brazil
ArtiFit (1 год назад)
Thank you so much for reminding me Ms. Marisa Peer how to not let negative people ruin and harm ourselves emotionally and mentally. I really appreciate your talk. So far it's been the best helpful motivational and mind speech I've listened to.
Katie Kay Haley (1 год назад)
fabulous talk Marisa, these are true skills needed today for us to use in the world, thank you.
Aaron Michaels (1 год назад)
Love her...
A S (1 год назад)
Sexy woman.
Mariana Dantas (1 год назад)
Her patient, she was married again in less than a year after her husband having died? I think it's kind of bizarre. I don't understand how people move on so quickly and are so unaffected by serious issues. Of course you let it in.
Cious05 (1 год назад)
One of the best talks on Ted ever. I love this manner of approach towards insults and rejection. Thank you Marrisa.
Mal (1 год назад)
"Thank you for sharing that." With sarcasm? Or without? Here without; but I can see that sometimes sarcasm, or ambiguity, might work. But sometimes it might be better to be more explicit, and not use even a hint of sarcasm, but simply agree with the rejecting person in a friendly way. Like dad taking the wrong turnoff can say to grumpy son, "You're right I need to plan things a bit better." This totally deflates the situation, and hopefully lead to friendly re-connection. Then again, maybe just smiling and beaming is the best way... maybe use all three methods if he's a real Kevin...
Arphorn Sri. (1 год назад)
I love you voice, so soothing
Phone Myat (1 год назад)
holly man she referred is Lord Buddha story
FoxyStealth (1 год назад)
1. Thank you for sharing that. 2. Can you REPEAT that? 3. Are you trying to hurt my feelings?
WorldCollections (1 год назад)
Gold. Arguably life saving information. I'm not my brain, I'm something beyond it. My brain listens to my intentions. Brilliant.
Pickabest Product (1 год назад)
This is for every person who struggles with rejection. The solutions Marisa give is absolutely powerful and make perfect sense.
ayu nuri (1 год назад)
"You look fat." in my country is a complement.
Aprameya Ananda (1 год назад)
Nice talk! The teachings I follow would say complete with all the incompletion, allow the Sadashiva to express through you. Sounds complicated? It's not, the simplest and most satisfying life style.
Beeza Esther (1 год назад)
she said, Dnt let in negative opinion to hurt you
halima m christy (1 год назад)
absolutley hate these ads- and their LENGTH should be illegal - --
Cherry Azz (1 год назад)
thank you for sharing that. please repeat i am in cosmo. no loving. let it in how? omg that ruler is for my ass. in public please.
Cherry Azz (1 год назад)
you are one of my handlers and trainer.banishment window agreed. prison bitch if i disobey. toiletbillly1
Carol Mangum (1 год назад)
Oooh, Or, "that sounded mean and hurtful, tell me that again, I may have misheard you."
Michelle Marie (1 год назад)
Thank you for sharing that.
Linda Howe (1 год назад)
I liked the talk the strategies to shield oneself from rejection.
parsoumash (1 год назад)
Women who ask "who wants to come to the toilet with me"? ..really are asking "Who wants to come to the toilet and gossip with me?"
lorenzo santi (2 года назад)
"mum, I have cancer" "thank you for sharing". Something wrong, Huh?
Jacob Korving (2 года назад)
I love Marisa but "She is already married" In reading all the comments  and different attitudes towards life I find that many of us would like to start at the end but there is a space between the here and the there and we are that space heading to the there and we can't miss the end because we are destined for arrival, so we must know that we are on the way. We are the space that keeps the here and there together. I know that I have left the shore and I pick up something every day. Than you Thank you Thank you, Marisa and you Tube and the internet and all of you, I cannot imagine me without you.
DEAN23 (2 года назад)
As great a talk this was, I'm a little sceptical about how and when each reply should be used?.....
Barb jephson (2 года назад)
So this what I am experiencing living in the salon flat and not at home!
xkhani Rose (2 года назад)
Very very good thankyou
Julia V (2 года назад)
the whole "thank you for sharing that" thing really doesn't make much sense to me. I mean honestly, what if you need a conversation? What if you really do need to talk a serious issue out? Saying "Thank you for sharing that" could only cause tensions to build and resentment to grow. Sure, this works fantastic at trivial issues, but imagine if this ever happened when you were at a therapy session with a partner or family member? Very little would be resolved at all, and it would very well cause more issues down the line.
Anna D (20 дней назад)
Julia V I believe it’s for those cases when a person is not your close friend or spouse and you are having a conversation, it’s when someone insults you but you show them it doesn’t affect you so they stop and probably won’t do it again or when a person is just frustrated in a situation by clearly doesn’t mean what they say, like in the example with Marisa’s daughter who said she hated her. Also Marisa offered several options in her speech with great examples. She didn’t suggest to use this one phrase for every occasion and clearly not a serious conversation when people are trying to resolve issues such as couples’ therapy.
S W (1 месяц назад)
Julia V The whole point is to "not let it in" which she states. Maybe you can find another term that works for you that isn't offensive but let's the person know I heard your comment but I am not affected by it.
Mairead Tagg (2 месяца назад)
Julia V actually when you say thank you for sharing that with openness and kindness, it COMPLETELY changes the dialogue and allows for engagement and change.
Nae Ru (2 года назад)
don't let OPINIONS in. 1. thank you for sharing that. tell self- I don't have to let that in. what's the point in arguing? 2. I am sorry, I didn't hear it all, can you repeat that? 3. are you trying to hurt my feelings? why would you say that? I am not going to let that in. 4. well that's not going to work? I am not going to let that in. 5. while we are sharing, did you know the most critical people don't like themselves. their inner workings of themselves are projected outward. so, when you are critical, you are showing everyone your criticisms of yourself and your internal bitterness. IF YOU DONT TAKE THE REJECTIONS THE PERSON IS LEFT WITH THAT.
Woohoo (2 года назад)
Yes, or it could be said that when you don't accept their rejection they are left to themselves. Misery truly does love company, miserable people want others down on their level because of the need for connection. But not with people who are more accomplished, or think highly of themselves. They need the connection with those on their level because the more accomplished person sheds a light on their shortcomings. Of course that's how they view the world. It's about ego, and the ability to put ego aside for greater things. Like those us who are not threatened by more intelligent, accomplished people, but instead see them as opportunities to gain knowledge, and insight. The mind can be a wonderful or miserable place, it's your choice!
Michael Mallal (2 года назад)
Coming from mixed race background and being raised by my mother I've had lots of rejection all around. i think Marisa is right about rejection.
rosiethebear300 (2 года назад)
What a lovely voice and aura this lady has! Fantastic advice!
Arvind Datar (2 года назад)
That was superb- your talk must be listened to at least once a month
Edyta Grace (1 месяц назад)
Or every day
Azra Prosic (2 года назад)
du bist die beste, danke, schön das es dich gibt
Sheila Gea (2 года назад)
She and Lisa Nichols are the greatest 😊
Dian Clay (2 года назад)
julesea (2 года назад)
Fantastic, professional, encouraging speech, Thank you for sharing
Leoni Burge (2 года назад)
This was very informative and some good advice for dealing with verbal comments but I find rejection is more often served in a more subtle way, without words. For example you're with two others chatting, the one talking gives eye contact to the other person but seldom looks at you thereby excluding you
Vyoma Hadkar (1 месяц назад)
in that case, exit the conversation.
anuar utara (2 месяца назад)
Easy... Do step 1 to 5 in your mind.... Non verbal
scott sanger (2 месяца назад)
thats how women communicate, covertly. Men will just punch you in the face, overtly.
Mariyeen Acheege (4 месяца назад)
What I've started learning and understanding is that we avoid rejection by our mindset, by the thoughts we practice, awareness of the quality of our thoughts. Our thoughts are like markers on a path that lead to a journey. So as soon as a thoughts pops up that is self rejecting, we need to turn the thought around or question it, settle the thought and then we are on the right path again. To this day, I haven't come by many people who talk about this. There is one professional out there, I can't remember her name, Mel something, who says count three or five, and take action before your mind talks you into fear. And Byron Katie says do worksheets to reverse the thought, but sometimes if you have trauma, you will be re traumatizing yourself. I don't know what is the best technique, I think it's up to everyone to find their own, but that is the core, habits of thought. Habits of thought attract rejection. No matter how seemingly rejectable someone is, when they love themselves, they are loveable and are not prone to attract more rejection but attract love. Actually Marisa Peer's technique of saying I'm enough is great. You can teach yourself to change your thinking on the spot in that situation on that table by saying to yourself, I am enough, be really convinced of it, and you will think of something to say to add to the conversation and thereby unintentionally reversing the situation on the spot.
Sophia Miaow (5 месяцев назад)
exactly, in the same way bullying is childhood is direct whereas in adulthood is subtle and passive
takis takiu (2 года назад)
gr8 talk and legs also
Izaan Ibrahim (2 года назад)
Thank you very much, Marisa. You're amazing! Love you!!! ❤
Telmo Parreira (2 года назад)
Stavros Cartoon (2 года назад)
What a beautiful looking lady .... and the voice. ...ummmm
SugAC UnderGround Queen Female Rapper (2 года назад)
this is give or take what I call the truths of life... As a man (person) thinks So shall they be /The tongue has the power of life & death/ & we can't love ourselves if we don't LOVE others/ there is power in unity. She definitely gave me a deeper insight on what I wasn't getting, which is how I was taking in criticism from others by acknowledging & taking it in by being hurt by "Letting it In"!

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